Stories About the Most Stupid Honors Student Ever

(Me and my friend HG Just love laughing about how goofy I am!!!!!)

Hey everyone! I’m back for another week to talk about myself. (This blog thing is becoming a bit egocentric, isn’t it?)

But I think the topic for this week is something that a lot of you may be able to relate to.  So, please, enjoy me talking about my overwhelming stupidity despite being an honors student:

(Disclaimer: I’m 1000% not doing this to brag at all I’m just informing you so you can laugh how ironic it is that I’m actually really stupid.) Since I’ve started school, I’ve always had All A’s. I am usually a part of the few students who are at the top of the class because I work really hard on everything that I do, and I just generally have a competitive nature that makes me want to succeed. I love to write, read books, and learn everything that I can. So you could say that I have some book smarts. Street smarts, on the other hand, are a different story.

****CRINGE ALERT******CRINGE ALERT******CRINGE ALERT****

I had an incident this past week that epitomized every single thing that goes wrong with my brain in a daily basis, which is usually just brain farts and overthinking literally everything. So, basically, last Friday, me and my friends were in my car in the school parking lot about to leave to go to my house and watch Fantastic Beasts (of course) and a few of our other favorite shows with our friend Joy, who was visiting from Kentucky. My friends, Hallie Grace and Liam, were laughing and talking about things, and I was listening to them as I absentmindedly put the key in the ignition and tried to turn it. Thinking I had the car on, I put it in reverse and pressed on the gas to try and back up and out of the parking lot, but the car didn’t go anywhere. I turned down the radio and listened to hear if the car was running, and I noticed it wasn’t so I tried to turn the key again. It didn’t crank at all, but I did hear a tiny click that made me think it was trying to start but couldn’t. That’s when I assumed something was wrong.

I told my friends, and they got out of the car to keep from burning up on the black leather in 80 degree heat. I kept trying to turn the key, but nothing would work. I also noticed that there was a lot of lights flickering on the dashboard every time I turned the key that meant things like “Engine Malfunction” and “Oil Level Low”, which only managed to freak me out more. Then, my friend Avery came over and offered to jump me off, something that I’ve saw my mother do a thousand times but never actually done it myself. I wasn’t comfortable with us doing it without an adult, so I called my mom and asked her to come help.

Before she could get there, my friend Lizzie’s dad arrived to pick her up and stopped to jump the car off with his own cables. We tried several times and it still didn’t work. My mom showed up and then, after some more futile attempts, we decided to just tow the car and let a mechanic figure out what it was.

This entire time I was sitting in the driver seat of my car, turning the key when told to do so. When my mom arrived, I got out and started to move all of my belongings into my mom’s car. I turned around once I heard my car’s engine start up.

Turns out, I neglected to put the car back in park before trying to start it up, so it was in reverse the entire time.

Yes, I know. I’m stupid.

It was super, super embarrassing for me, but of course my friends understood that that’s just how I am. I do really stupid things all the time.

Here are some examples:

  1. A couple of months ago I tried to pump gas into my own car for like one of the first times (I was always the one who took the money inside, never the pumper) while my dad cleaned off my windshield. When it was time to take the nozzle out, I tried to unlatch the clicker (the one that keeps the gas flowing even if you’re not holding it) by gripping the nozzle tighter. But then I also decided to pull it out at the same time because I didn’t want the price running over what my dad paid. The result was gas continuing to flow out and all over my clothes and shoes. My dad freaked and rushed to get me home before I  caught on fire or was poisoned by the fumes.
  2.  My friend Hallie Grace has an extremely confusing neighborhood (at least it is to me) so once I was able to find a route to and from her house that I knew well, I stuck with that one every time I took her home. One of the first times I did, she and her brother made fun of me for it, since it was literally the longest and complicated way to get to their house. So, after I dropped her off (it was at night btw), I tried to find a new way out and proceeded to get lost in her neighborhood for almost 15 minutes.
  3. My history teacher does review quizzes on things that we’ve studied throughout the year, which are often pretty easy to me because I liked a lot of the older US History stuff. Especially things dealing with Alexander Hamilton because Hamilton is probably my favorite musical to ever exist. So, when she asked, “Who was George Washington’s Secretary of the Treasury?”, it was expected that I get that one right because OBVIOUSLY. But no, I put down Thomas Jefferson instead of Alexander Hamilton. Trust me, after I realized what I had done, I had never felt more disappointed in myself in my entire life. Good news is, though, I will never get that question wrong again.
  4. I was at an art festival in town one time with Joy, and we were walking around glancing at all the artwork, debating about buying anything from the vendors. Now, those artists can be pretty persuasive when trying to get customers to purchase their work. So, when I stopped at a vendor that had a beautiful normal-sized picture frame holding a watercolor painting of pandas, I figured I could check the price and, if it was low enough, buy it. Well, it was EIGHTY DOLLARS. I immediately tried to escape, but the vendor asked me if I was interested and offered to bargain with however much I had. I truthfully told him I had $40 (don’t ask why ’cause I don’t remember), and he said he would take it. And I bought it. (I hate myself.)
  5. Branching off the previous story, usually every time I go to the anime convention here in my area, I always buy something that I regret. One of the most memorable of these purchases was three pairs of earrings: a Kirby with headphones pair, a Gunther pair (the penguin from Adventure Time), and a chibi America pair (the humanized version from Hetalia) all for a whopping $40. I never wore any of them.
  6. Going back a little further to the time where me and my sister went mud riding on our four-wheeler and got stuck. My sister told me to push on the back while she revved the engine. After a minute of pushing as hard as I could, the wheels were loose and she started driving. Little did she know I was still holding onto the rail on the back, so she was dragging me with her on the sticks and thorns of the forest floor. It ripped my shorts and cut a pretty big scar on my thigh. Pretty stupid move on my part.

And there’s like a thousand other smaller things, like trying to turn on my printer when it isn’t even plugged in, turning on the oven and forgetting to put something in it, and -my personal favorite- trying to roll the windows up when I’ve already turned the car off. (I do this literally everyday.)

So, yeah. I do not have the brains when it comes to street smarts. But that’s okay, I think it just adds to my character. Besides, how fun would it be if someone was extremely smart in both aspects? It’s not a life if you don’t goof up sometimes. And I goof up a whole lot. There should be another Goofy Movie made about me. I would win awards for my goofiness.

Thanks so much for giving this a read, I really do appreciate it. I’m having a lot of fun writing these every week, but that’s only because I’ve somehow managed to come up with topics. I will most definitely run out soon, so if you’d like to suggest anything, comment below or find me on my social media.

Love you bunches! ❤

~Vannah Smalley

I got a lot of inspiration for this post from this Buzzfeed article here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/remeepatel/things-you-know-if-youre-smart-but-not-super-smart?utm_term=.aqeWZE3nq&bffbbooks#.rkgnw7Md1

Fantastic Beasts Update: We have a total of 579 days until the next movie!!! It gets closer and closer every week! Also, I stayed up until 5:00 am last night writing the prologue of a Newt x Tina fanfiction that’s been stuck in my head, and I definitely plan on writing more. It probably will not be posted for several months, but I thought I’d just mention it. And I think I will be writing an all FBAWTFT post in a few weeks, so be prepared for that! And btw I love you guys who read this the most b/c you actually care about Fantastic Beasts  or my love for it and that makes me happy :’)

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